The worst kept secret in central-west Florida was exposed for good yesterday when the Bucs announced there’s no waiting list for season tickets.

And believe it or not, for some sections there’s no seat deposit required. Wow! eye-RAH! Kaufman of the Tampa Tribune has the salient details:

The Bucs have designed some new ticket options for 2009:

*New four- and five-game half-season ticket packages.

*Upper level seating options without a seat deposit.

*Lower level seating available.

*Youth ticket prices.

*More flexible payment plans for season tickets.

Joe knew this season ticket waiting list was a fraud. For proof, here’s what happened with Joe and Bucs season tickets:

Joe used to own season tickets. Actually, a season ticket — singular. When the CITS opened, Joe got one of the final seats available in the stadium. It was an aisle seat about halfway up in the southeast corner of the stadium. The seat sucked because Joe’s view was blocked whenever someone was walking up or down the stairs.

After a couple of years, Joe asked to be upgraded — anywhere in the lower bowl. Joe didn’t care if he had to drop $1,000 for a seat: He just wanted to sit anywhere in the lower bowl.

Year after year, the Bucs gave Joe the runaround. “We’ll see,” Joe was always told. After four years of begging the Bucs for an upgrade, Joe was told, “Put your deposit down for this year’s season ticket and after all the deposits have been received we’ll see about an upgrade.”

No! Joe had enough and never cut his check, giving up on the ticket.

Out of curiosity, Joe put his name back on the notorious Bucs waiting list. A couple of weeks later, Joe got a call from the Bucs announcing that Joe’s name was next in line on the waiting list for a season ticket.

Gee, the waiting list was just a few weeks!

But by this time, Joe learned how much more convenient it was to sit in the air conditioning on his leather couch. Joe didn’t have to walk down/up stairs to get to the bathroom nor did Joe have pay for parking nor did Joe have to cough up $8 for a beer.

Plus, Joe found out he could get a ticket off the sidewalk before the game for a lower bowl seat for less money than Joe was spending on face value for an upper deck seat.

The Bucs lost Joe for good. As a season ticket holder that is.

Joe is still crazy for the Bucs, just not crazy to spend hundreds of dollars for a lousy seat and $8 for a beer which is downright extortion in Joe’s eyes.