“Step It Up,” Chucky!
September 3rd, 2010
"Hey Mushnick, I have to play nice so I can con people into getting a job next year. After January, I can't sponge off the Glazers. Jiminy Christmas man!"
If Joe were to list the evils of BSPN, this post would be marathon-long, worse than that ADD-addled schmuck Joe would love to punch from New England that prattles incessantly about the hideous non-basketball association and the Red Sux with inane, forced pop culture references.
It’s a network that assualts the senses and insults the intelligence of thinking, reasoned sports fans like Joe.
One of the (too numerous to list) things Joe can’t deal with on BSPN is Chucky’s saccharin-sweet ca-ca on Monday Night Football. Every friggin’ player is All-Pro. Every friggin’ coach is the next Vince Lombardi. It’s just too, too much.
Joe believes it was the third week of the season last year when Chucky called Bill Callahan the best player’s coach he ever had as an assistant.
That would be like Joe bragging about the best notch on his belt Joe ever had was the dozens of long, sweaty, passionate evenings Joe consumated with Rachel Watson. The only difference is Joe doesn’t have an audience of millions to spread such fresh, stench-filled manure.
If Joe is inclined to watch Monday Night Football — often, the matchups aren’t exactly compelling — Joe heads to his nearest watering hole and sits where he cannot hear the audio, thus escaping Chucky’s rubbish.
Joe is not alone in his feelings of Chucky as an analyst. Joe’s good friend, “The Big Dog,” Steve Duemig, of WDAE-AM 620, is like-minded, as is the creator, curator and overall guru of ProFootballTalk.com Mike Florio.
Add the sports voice of reason, Phil Mushnick to the list. The world-renowned New York Post columnist could no longer stand Chucky’s schtick and put fingers to keyboard to take him to task.
Step it up, Gruden!
Time for ESPN’s Jon Gruden to lose the Monday Night Football player platitudes, and start speaking a few homework-done specifics. If we didn’t know better, we would think he’s just mailing it in. Again.
To Chucky’s defense, how in the world is he supposed to do any NFL homework when he’s breaking down Tim Tebow’s spread-option attack at his bunker at the Ice Palace, all the while coaching up Class A high school offensive linemen? What, does Mushnick actually believe Chucky is supposed to earn his money with BSPN? Can you imagine!
Somewhere, Joe Morgan is snickering.
Speaking of BSPN, with tomorrow bringing the first full day of college football, Joe can now remove BSPN from his list of blocked channels for the next four months. Among Joe’s list of blocked channels are NBA-TV, Tennis Network, every shopping channel and Logo.
September 3rd, 2010 at 10:06 am
Joe- You need to stop picking on Chucky or you’re going to hurt Eric’s feelings.
September 3rd, 2010 at 10:36 am
C’mon, Joe. Who doesn’t love “The Chucky and Jaws show-with Mike Tirico”
Gruden never had an original thought in his life. Why did the team go from 12-4 to 5-11? Just because D.Jax took the $ and ran to Phoenix? Oh, well-they’s a new sheriff in town
September 3rd, 2010 at 10:56 am
So I guess I shouldn’t expect a JoeMagicFan anytime soon?
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:02 am
@ Joe
“If Joe were to list the evils of BSPN, this post would be marathon-long, worse than that ADD-addled schmuck Joe would love to punch from New England that prattles incessantly about the hideous non-basketball association and the Red Sux with inane, forced pop culture references.”
Dude I LOVE me some Bill Simmons! His LeBron coverage was classic, his mailbags are usually very entertaining and his blind homerism is still endearing despite my Laker fandom. Read some of his stuff and I promise you’ll come to the dark side…
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:05 am
Joe here,
KJ – You can’t rule it out. There are folks around the JoeBucsFan.com headquarters that are still seething that the Magic let Hedo Turkoglu walk and brought in the Anti-Clutch, Vince Carter.
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:09 am
As with all things Gruden, including the five division titles and super bowl chamionship in 11 years as HC, the record gets distorted.
Ratings have improved dramatically on ESPN MNF since his arrival, and he got a big K extension.
But, whats important about Championships in football and ratings in the TV industry?
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:11 am
JoeMagicFan! Could that be possible?!
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:21 am
JoeMagicFan?? ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:45 am
Joe don’t even get me started on Vince “The Tin Man” Carter! Haha sorry I know I’m in the minority in the Tampa Bay area but I’ve been a die hard Magic fan since their first season. I was a young boy when my dad took me to the first ever Magic game and I was hooked right away – first sports love. I promise this will be my last post about the NBA. Go Bucs can’t wait for football!
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Don’t hate on Bill Simmons, now. He’s one of the best people BSPN has, and it’s because he’s somehow wormed his way into doing and saying whatever he wants, and that’s a worthwhile accomplishment.
I totally agree with the assessment of Chucky, though. My favorite Chucky moment of the preseason was having to pretend to like Chris Simms, which mostly consisted of him staying completely silent whilst Simms was on the field.
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Matt says that Joe sounds like a whiny douche while speaking in the 3rd person about a guy who pioneered what Joe now attempts to imitate. There is lots to critique on BSPN but Simmons isn’t the one. He doesn’t take himself to seriously which unfortunately Joe seems to be doing lately. I usually like most of your stuff but you have started a recent trend of being a “hater” and taking cheap shots. This is not a way to get readers Joe, it just makes you look petty like a teenage girl.
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Joemagicfan!! That’s a great idea!! I love the Magic!! And the more you listen to Chucky, the higher his “tool” factor rises!
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:59 pm
joemagicfan.com?, DO IT!!!
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Please. If anyone had the first blog, it was Peter King. Mike Florio and Jason McIntyre perfected this art.
And if anyone’s a little girl, it’s that rancid gash on BSPN.com always PMS’ing over the same three pieces of tripe over and over and over for years.
Joe made his chops long before that rancid gash first typed “Karate Kid.”
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:47 pm
I seemed to have touched a nerve of Joe. Funny how you can dish it freely but can’t take the same harsh critique back my friend. You are way off about “First Blog” I’m not arguing about who first used the internet to write about sports. I’m merely talking about being successful/building a following/doing something new. Simmons’s by far made it popular and was way ahead of the bell curve having a site back in the mid-90s. Peter King is atrocious (his NFL picks are consistently the worst of any writer every year, something that has been charted multiple times). Florio didn’t even start Profootballtalk until 2001, so you need to go check your facts. All of this is irrelevant anyways, as King and Florio try to come off as legitimate journalists, and Simmons is merely sports entertainer/writer/satirist not the same. You can dislike Simmons’s style, it’s a free country. However, when you just take cheap shots at a guy who’s doing it Bigger and Better and More Successful then you, it comes off as cry-babyesque and hating. Sorry Joe sometimes the truth hurts. I still enjoy most of your stuff just not the recent gossipy/blog name calling nonsense that is a dime a dozen these days.
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Whatever! Some football fans like Gruden on Monday Night Football and some don’t. To those who don’t, there is the MUTE button! Or, as Joe has mentioned his way, go to the back of the bar out of hear shot! Simple isn’t it?
Didn’t realize being enthusiastic and knowledgable about football is a “tool status”? Go make some more aquatic circles, Capt!
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Matt, you said everything so well, I have nothing to add.
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Judging by the ratings increase since Chucky’s arrival, people like “tools”…………..
But hey, after the buc’s Sunday fiascos this season you losers can tune into ESPN on Mondays and hear a real coach.
Or, watch Rah’s excuse laiden press conference, if you can even figure out what he is talking about.
3-13 and counting for the mastermind! But don’t worry, some major network will pick him up if he happens to lose his gig……………….yea right.
September 3rd, 2010 at 3:09 pm
LOL Seems like Joe touched a nerve.
By your (ill) logic McDonalds is gourmet food!
Joe doesn’t care how much money that jerkoff has in the bank HE. IS. HORRIBLE!!!!!!!! So typing 6,000 words is writing?????????? About the same three things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again?
BUHAHAHAHAHA!
Peter King — one of the most respected football writers in this country — was writing stream of consciousness articles in the mid-90s.
Yes, Florio perfected blogs. Sorry if that hurts your feelings Bill.
Sorry, also that you have to leave. This is Joe’s blog. This is Joe’s site.
September 3rd, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Dr. Dave:
Joe enjoys Tirico and Jaws.
Joe actually has a drinking game about Tirico. One has to take a shot every time he says “moving forward.”
Careful: You may be very drunk near the end of the game.
September 3rd, 2010 at 6:12 pm
WOW. I didn’t think that Joe hated anything worse than the former hand-held pretty photo now defunct Puker Report – I guess I was wrong.
What’s funny is that ESPN really has no competition. In fact when DIS reported 3rd quarter earnings it was up 40% y/y! I automatically assumed it was due to the park increase but nooooo….. The majority of ABC’s increase was due to ESPN; in particular, hold your nose, the FIFA World Cup games which brought in increased ad revenues…
I guess ESPN must be doing something right…just like JBF is doing the Bucs right as well.
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:45 pm
eric Says:
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Judging by the ratings increase since Chucky’s arrival, people like “tools”…………..
Shocking, Eric lovin on Gruden! Unbelievable.
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:51 pm
In a medium based on advertising sales, commercial success is decried as lack of quality. Really?
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Wow…a lot of emotion here, lol.
As to Gruden and MNF, ironically I like Jon better there than I EVER liked Madden. Madden always talked down about the Bucs, even when they were winners and full of respectable players.
I bet it sticks in his crawl that the very coach he use to criticise most ended up taking his place.
And as to the Blog issue…I happen to think JoeBucsFan is a very original site. Yes, article sources are gathered from all over, but instead of just displaying them, Joe puts a cool first person twist on them. I like this a lot.
And, whereas PFT is a good site that I check several times per day, I check JoeBucs each time I open a browser (right after my facebook homepage opens)…because it gathers information about the team I like most.
JoeBucsFan.com is a 5 star site in my book; even if we don’t always agree.
Some of the posters limit themselves a bit to one side views instead of exploring from multiple angles, but that’s just how some people are. Myself, I was taught long ago…no matter how thinly you slice (not “cut”, Joe) the cheese, there are always two sides. I try to view things from both sides as best I can.
And I’ve found that there is a lot less stress in my sports life because of it.
September 3rd, 2010 at 8:14 pm
Hell fire Joe, I cant stop laughing at the way U responded. Gruden has u tore up doesn’t he? I’ve never read where u started rambling and stumbling along. Why are u hung up on him? Is it because u see the mistake the Culverho I mean the Glazerhouses made? Come on. If u felt right about this season you wouldn’t be melting down. I hope ur right about Morris and rub our noses in it. I get the feeling that u are about to abandon ship.
September 3rd, 2010 at 8:23 pm
Gruden does need to step up and criticize more. I don’t think he will. Heck Jaws makes fun of Gruden constantly now about liking everyone.
I will have to agree with most of what Matt has said. Bill Simmons is probably my favorite writer out there. He has the perfect blend of knowledge, humor and writing ability. Mike Florio has 1/10 of the writing ability of Simmons. It is not even close. Florio shows every day that he is a lawyer masquerading as a writer. And Florio is so petty. It gets tiresome when he won’t let go of something. The Tim C. situation is a perfect example of this. Florio made himself look like a 10-year-old school girl. It was embarrassing.
Simmons’ specialty is the NBA. The guy knows his stuff on the sport. His book on the league is awesome. But he can talk intelligently about the other 3 major sports. I happen to love his pop culture references because I usually get them since we are similar in age. I like that Simmons is not afraid to say stuff that isn’t exactly PC. It is refreshing. I kinda wish he had his own site, so he could talk freely about some of the ESPN people. He does hold back on them naturally. Same thing that happens here with certain people.
I hate the Red Sox and the Patriots. It doesn’t bother me one bit that Bill is such a homer on these teams. It is great reading some of the emails that he gets when one of his favorite teams loses. He has a lot of fun and he usually plays it off quite well. The sports world is much better with Bill Simmons writing in it. He reminds me so much of Mike Downey, the former Sporting News writer who inspired me to take up journalism in college.
Ok. That is all. I wanted to throw my two cents in.
September 3rd, 2010 at 10:38 pm
JK:
“Hell fire Joe, I cant stop laughing at the way U responded. Gruden has u tore up doesn’t he? ”
Chucky would be quite good if he was remotely objective and honest.
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:35 pm
yeah…see…the Tiger wants to know why it feels like you have Gruden angst?
He’s getting Glazer money…because he signed a deal where the Glazers wanted him gone. Some of us, LOVE Gru…so this obsession with disrespecting him – AFTER he’s gone…? Tigers don’t get that.
The guy won you a Super Bowl – get ON with your life and report about things Buccaneer. Say nice things about the departed…or you won’t have half-again as many fans.
I’m getting tired of the moss covered half-wits posing as joe.
I really just think you need to move on.
..trust me, Tigers know stuff.
September 4th, 2010 at 3:33 am
Gruden seems to have a very love him or hate him response from the viewers. His analysis is usually pretty good, and he speaks very well and has a great television presence. But, as Joe said, he seems to love every player, coach, or ball boy. For someone who’s brought in to be an analyst and go over the intricacies of the game, he does well in all but that respect. And that can be a turn off for many, and I can see why. But then, everyone has their different announcer likes and dislikes, right? Some dig Joe Buck, other people like Gus Johnson. Nobody is wrong.
September 4th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Gruden is great for MNF. Many times more people like him nationally than the small fringe cult who lives in Tampa that despise him.
And secondly, Joe how in the world can you be jealous of Bill Simmons. That guy is funny as sh!t.
Damn. And you write about, then comment, then continue to defend it.
Joe, on this one, you are out of your league bro. Bill Simmons runs circles around you in humor and content through and through.
Oh and don’t be mad at us about this who are trying to wave the wake up and smell the coffee flag to you, because you are trying to take on one of the best and well known, top tier, blue chip sports writers in America.
Out of line you are complaining about Simmons, I’m sure he would just tell you to go back stalk the Buc cheerleaders like an old desparate man.
September 4th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Chucky, the backstabbing player hating Coach is just too darn nice on TV.
The problem is he can’t find his inner Chucky unless he is coaching. This TV gig really isn’t his bailiwick. Chucky needs a new Coaching Job. It is what he does. It’s what he excels at. It’s what he is the BEST at. Too bad the Glazers were too stupid to keep him. I don’t think anybody hated Chucky more than Steve DUI-mig. Talk about a tool. No one likes the sound of his own voice more than DUI-mig.
September 4th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Chucky is being nice and non-critical because he plans to coach in the league again.