When A Farm Animal Helps Turn An Opponent Into A Goat
October 11th, 2021
Shamed Xavien Howard.
Joe always hesitates to refer to Bucs quarterback Tom Brady as a farm animal for several reasons.
For one, a “goat” is not always a positive connotation in Joe’s vernacular, but the very opposite.
The second reason is it sort of feels like spitting in Joe Montana’s face, one of Joe’s favorite athletes growing up. Yes, even though Brady is unquestionably the best quarterback in NFL history.
Third, Joe doesn’t like to ride the wave of populism, just because. For example, Joe never refers to Calvin Johnson as “Megatron” mainly because Joe never played with one or watched the movies. So Joe doesn’t know what the hell a megatron is.
So Joe is writing this here post because after finding it funny that Brady, who people like to refer to as The Goat, had a major hand in turning Dolphins cornerback Xavien Howard into a goat.
In his weekly “Football in America” column, almond milk-sipping, hot-dog-eating-contest-protesting, mock-draft-scowling, L.L.-Bean-wearing, tennis fans’ advocate, Second Amendment abolitionist, Mike-Florio-arguing, parrot-insensitive, chewing-with-his-mouth-open, soup-gulping, California-train-romancing, anti-football proliferation, outhouse-admiring, airline-napping, steerage-flying, Yogi Berra-worshiping, urinal-picture-taking, video-game-playing, Taylor-Swift-listening, pickpocket-thwarting, Bucs-uniform-frowning, Allie-LaForce-smitten, Big-Ten-Network-hating, pedestrian-bumping, olive oil-lapping, popcorn-munching, coffee-slurping, fried-chicken-eating, oatmeal-loving, circle-jerking, craft-beer-chugging, cricket-watching, scone-loathing, college football-naïve, baseball-box-score-reading, NPR-honk, filthy-hotel-staying, fight-instigating, barista-training, Budweiser-tolerant, baseball-scorecard-keeping, pasta-feasting, vomit-dodging scrooge, Kay-Adams-following, Coors-Light-souring, pineapple-upside-down-cake-eating social activist and NFL insider Peter King of NBC Sports calls out the “Goat of the Week.”
The veteran NFL scribe fingered Howard for yakking all over the place yesterday after getting fried by Brady and furniture-tossing, bicycle-throwing Bucs receiver Antonio Brown.
Goat of the Week
Xavien Howard, cornerback, Miami. Much is expected of $15-million-a-year cornerbacks, as Howard is. He did not deliver Sunday, in coverage against Antonio Brown in Tampa. The Dolphins and Bucs were tied at 10 early in the second quarter when Brown beat Howard on a well-timed crossing route from Tom Brady that turned into a 62-yard catch-and-run for a touchdown; 17-10, Tampa. Late in the half, Brown, sprinting for the post in the end zone, left Howard in the dust on a four-yard TD from Brady. The Bucs led 24-10 at the half and never lost the lead en route to an impressive 4-1 start.
Hidden in King’s takedown of Howard is something Bucs fans should be wary of. Joe noticed in the comments on this here site someone suggesting the Bucs need to trade for Howard.
Folks, if the Bucs couldn’t afford Stephon Gilmore — and they couldn’t — then they sure as heck cannot afford Howard who is paid more than double what Gilmore earns.
And now with Lavonte David’s status unclear, the Bucs may have to go out and pay a linebacker. Keyword: “may.”
So bringing in Howard is pretty much impossible unless the Bucs want to get rid of a good starter. Besides, as King suggested, the way Howard got lit up yesterday, is he playing anywhere near what he is being paid? To be fair, Howard officially was listed with groin and shoulder injuries and missed practice time last week.
Besides, isn’t it cool that the Bucs made someone look so bad that he is called out in the most popular NFL column of the week? Fun times.
October 11th, 2021 at 11:06 am
Joe never played with one or watched the movies. So Joe doesn’t know what the hell a megatron is.
Joe doesn’t know what Google is or how to use it?
October 11th, 2021 at 11:10 am
Let’s trade Howards straight up, OJ for Xavien.
October 11th, 2021 at 11:12 am
Lol… Bucs could easily afford the 6M of gilmore. Can always restructure
October 11th, 2021 at 11:13 am
@Buxszntkt that sounds fair to me
I will say though, I thought Howard was an asset yesterday
October 11th, 2021 at 11:14 am
If Montana was your favorite athlete growing then you sure as sh*t know who Megatron is.
October 11th, 2021 at 11:18 am
@Sandman
Restructuring does not throw away the salary cap entirely. It’s all real money and it has to come from and go to somewhere.
Restructuring is not the overflowing well that many fans think it is, where we can just go to to create cap space anytime we want.
October 11th, 2021 at 11:25 am
Joe knows Calvin Johnson — hell, Joe watched him at Georgia Tech.
WTF is a megatron?
October 11th, 2021 at 11:28 am
Joe…a transformer… one of those things if you had young kids during those years, you couldn’t forget…unfortunately.
October 11th, 2021 at 11:32 am
This post is just ripe for trolls in all directions. Don’t take the bait!
October 11th, 2021 at 12:10 pm
Bruh the cartoon alone is enough Intel to decipher the name and its meaning…I refuse to believe people don’t know teenage mutant ninja turtles , ghost busters, gi Joe, transformers, thunder cats, Scooby-Doo
October 11th, 2021 at 12:18 pm
You mean someone tried to gloss Calvin Johnson over an apparatus that sits on a telephone pole??? LOL!!!
Why, because it blows up once in a while?
October 11th, 2021 at 12:23 pm
Buc king:
Joe’s background in cartoons was Bugs Bunny, Yosemite Sam, Forhorn Leghorn, Race Bannon, Captain Caveman, Muttley, Pink Panther, Scooby Doo, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Space Ghost and Gravel Slag.
Anything after Scooby Doo and Joe is lost.
October 11th, 2021 at 12:27 pm
Hall of fame players like AB have been making very good players like Howard look bad since the league began. Ramsey deserves to be paid like a superstar and the Dolphin’s front office is dumb for putting Howard in the same zip code.
Godwin is also an very good player who has never consistently played up to the level of Mike and certainly not AB. Licht, please don’t make the mistake of paying Godwin like a superstar until he proves that he is one and can stay healthy. If he does that, then pay him like one, but we have got to see it for an entire season first.
October 11th, 2021 at 12:32 pm
Space Ghost was the best!
October 11th, 2021 at 1:19 pm
Dear Joe,
A Megatron is a toy you step on in the middle of the night via a trip to the fridge and the pain causes you to reevaluate your life’s decisions. Similar to how corners felt when being torched by Calvin Johnson.
October 11th, 2021 at 1:43 pm
Joe’s an old bast#$d. The Flintstones, Batman, Gilligan’s Island and let’s not forget the Three Stooges must of been favorites as well.
October 11th, 2021 at 1:47 pm
Trevon Diggs with 7 interceptions has been sensational and one of the reasons Dallas has become a playoff contender.
Marshon Lattimer is just a beast of a corner. He totally shut down Washington’s Terry McLaurin yesterday.
October 11th, 2021 at 2:32 pm
Not past tense: Are! No one funnier than Curly Howard. No one. Sam Kinison was. Don Rickles was. Chris Rock maybe.
Gilligan’s Island was just OK (Joe was a Mary Ann kinda guy).
Batman was cool. F’ all the other Jokers. Ceasar Romero will always be “The Joker” and Frank Gorshin as “The Riddler” was way, way underrated.
Flintstones was just OK.
October 11th, 2021 at 2:36 pm
Ah!
October 11th, 2021 at 5:56 pm
Correct, that is a Megatron. I was a Maryann fan as well. Ginger the one night stand and Maryann (God rest her 🙏 sole) the farmers daughter. Giddy up! A few more for ya, Leave it to Beaver, Room 222 & Maxwell Smart & Rat Patrol, I dream of Jeanne.