Parents: Be warned that it seems Santa Claus will be delayed this evening making his rounds as an international incident is developing.

Joe has learned through a source within the highest reaches of the federal government that a Code Red terrorist alert has been issued by Homeland Security. It seems that the animals who behead people are planning some heinous crimes, targeting honorable, innocent Americans celebrating the holidays with family, friends and copious amounts of Caybrew.

Because of this, federal authorities are stopping any and all suspicious travel tonight. Sadly, Santa Claus has been caught in this web and as a result, has been detained.

Fearing Santa is being used by the animals that behead people, not unlike the crippled nuns in airports, Santa himself is suspected of foul play. Just the thought enrages Joe.

Receiving a directive from White House aide Karen Hughes, the head of the Counter Terrorist Unit (CTU), Bill Buchanan (who Joe thought had perished last year in a failed White House coup), has called in none other than the notorious covert operative Jack Bauer to interrogate Santa Claus.

While Bauer is known to have broken some of world’s most hardened criminals, squaring off with Santa Claus seems to be a foe not even Bauer is prepared for.